Wednesday, May 7, 2008

no bueno

Hi Diary,

Every time I drive to school or go to work, I feel like I think of a new thing that annoys me or that should die in a fire. It might be more optimistic to write about 10 things I love about spring time, but whatever.

Things that have been annoying me:

1. Transitions lenses (thanks to Sarah for the tip). So let me speak on it. First of all, transitions lenses never quite go back to clear after being outside. Which makes the wearers of these said glasses look like total douche bags. They are also completely unnecessary. Other options are contacts or switching between prescription glasses and prescription sunglasses. Both of these options are better than looking like some ass monkey from the future. Image compliments of

2. Leather cell phone protectors - Sick. The only people that use these are over 50 years old and wear leather jackets. They usually have hella-old phones and aren't very good at using them. Personally, I would rather have my cell phone breathe the open air, than "protect" it with some germ invested plastic/cow combo. 

3. Indoor plants. People have a hard time doing indoor plants in a tasteful and restrained manner. There is a building at PSU that is overrun with indoor plants, that are extremely large and very pre-historic looking. It's like I don't need to see some brontosaurus munching on foliage next to me while I'm trying to figure out my geometry proof.

4. Camping. I HATE camping. I am very lucky not to be homeless, so in my free time I don't want to pretend that I am. Hey guys, let's heat some beans over the fire and try to pee in the woods. Yeah! Next, let's go steal a shopping cart!

5. Talk radio. Why is it that everyone that is on in the radio in the morning sound like they were raised as a hick with a 4th grade education. There are always three characters: the opinionated ass-hole, the goofy dumb-ass, and the clueless, slutty girl. I don't get care about your problems. Which is why I only listen to NPR in the morning.

6. Missionaries. I've touched on this before, and yet they still really bother me. Today I ran into a girl from high school whom I haven't seen in quite awhile. She informed me that she is now working as a missionary. Me: Why aren't you in Africa? Her: I am working for Campus Crusade for Christ. Me: Why are you working at Starbucks? Her: Raising money for the Lord. Me: Sick.
Missionaries are like someone watching you cook a meal in the kitchen that you are making for yourself. They try to tell you to turn the heat down and add more salt. That's when you have to turn around, elbow them in the neck and say back the f*&% off. 

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Hills run down

Hey Diary,

Did you watch the hills last night??!!?? Loved it!

Here's a run down of what happened!

1. Lauren continues to struggle with her side bangs, experimenting with different forms of braiding to keep them off her face. It's hard enough to struggle with side bangs, but to do so in front of the nation must be torture.
2. Audrina feels like an outsider because her boyfriend is a loser, well at least he used to be. She also resides in the guest house of the mansion that the three girls share. I can see where Lauren is coming from because it is hard to be fake nice and ask how things are going when you know your friend knows that you hate her boyfriend.
3. Justine Booby actually made a good point that Audrina should feel comfortable in her own home and not singled out. But guess what JB, it takes more than one shining moment to make up for leading Audrina along, cheating on her and giving her lines like "time reveals all."
4. Audrina also claims to have never used the kitchen, because she always goes out. Must be nice bitch!
5. Spencer is still living with his sister, and not cleaning up after himself. What does this kid do all day? Ugh, he could start with a haircut and a lobotomy.
6. So now Heidi wants to go to Vegas? "I need to get away and think." Umm, who goes to Las Vegas to clear their head, the place of over-stimulation? How about go home to Colorado and see your family who wants only the best for you.
7. How do Lauren, Lo and Audrina afford their Hollywood mansion? My guess is that they are all getting paid for the show, plus they have lame jobs, plus their parents are loaded. That should cover it.
8. Heidi's boss is super creepy. Heidi will go into his office to say she is committed to the company and he instantly promotes her?!? Get a girlfriend.
9. Lo needs to stop being such a bitch. It's not third grade anymore, Lauren has more than one friend now. You need to share her.
10. And where has Brody been? He is HOT.