Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Holla

Good afternoon Diary,

Today I mailed off my life savings to the IRS. In honor of such an annoying event, I will post my top ten annoyances for this week.

10. When people say they are busy, have been busy, their life is crazy, etc. It's annoying. Because guess what, everyone is busy. If you're not, you're at home on the couch with no friends. So you have no one to tell that you are busy. It's not a busy competition. Today this guy told me that he had been enjoying the weekend sunshine, and "now he's paying for it." Okay, you win, you're the busiest. I don't care.

9. Angst. Especially expressed in the form of blogging or sad poetry. Keep it to yourself, that means you 12 year old emo kid. Stop reflecting and start doing.

8. The word "anywho." Thank God someone made up this word. Words like "anyhow" or "anyway" were just not cutting it. And no one can ever say anywho in a normal voice. It always has to end with some kind of singing voice. Sick.

7. Evangelical Christians. Be quiet. No one wants their soul saved by some creepy 12 year old on a mission trip. How about everyone is in charge of their own soul. And if I need your help, I know where to find you.

6. Family Circus. Why are you still around? Why are the kids so creepy? And why can't you be in the normal comic strip format? Why are you in a circle?

5. Putting on pillow cases is annoying. Envelopes open along their longest edge, where as pillow cases open along their shortest. This is annoying. Especially when I was training to be a CNA, and we couldn't use our chins to hold the pillow. What, am I some sort of pillow case ninja? So I quit.

4. TAXES. Thanks IRS. Thanks. Thanks so much for funneling a sh*t ton of my money out of my bank account so you can fund your murdering in IRAQ. F U IRS.

3. Geraldo Rivera. You are an ass monkey.

2. The word "preggers." I was in the mall yesterday, and this girl leans over to her friend and says, "So did you hear Nicole is preggers?" The uttering of this word should instantly sterilize you. Your uterus should just seal up and and I sign should drop down from the sky that says, "nope, sorry, hope you like cats."

And the number one most annoying thing is

1. Over-sized shirts with howling wolves, tigers with wings or unicorns on them. What are you doing? Why are you wearing that. Go to Goodwill, look for a shirt that isn't over-sized without a picture of an animal on it. Change into it immediately and pay on the way out. Then, take your shirt with the creepy scifi hybrid hippo-corn and light it on fire.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I think you are a pillow case ninja, but you just couldn't apply yourself.:P