Wednesday, April 23, 2008

It Just Ain't Right

Yo yo diary,

Oh my gosh!! I haven't posted in forever! I am sooo sorry!! I have been soooooo busy! I stopped drinking water to cut out peeing! It has saved me so much time, and I've lost weight!!

So this list contains things that are either awkward, creepy or annoying or some linear combination thereof.

10. The Guacamole Nazi at Chipotle-annoying
I enjoy the chicken burrito with black beans at a little McDonald's owned restaurant I like to call Chipotle. I don't need to be reminded that Guac costs $1.40 extra. And next time you serve me, I want you to dip the spoon way down deep into the guac, pull it out without tapping it on the side of the bin and put the entire spoonful on my burrito.

9. Garfield cartoon-creepy, annoying
This cartoon is disgusting. So the guy lives by himself with his cat and his dog? And the cat controls him. Maybe that's why you don't have a girlfriend: lonely old man in the cartoon. And Garfield does not need to be an enterprise. I don't need a Garfield shirt, mug, pin, sweater, nothing.

8. Chicks that walk around campus with two bags - awkward
Today I was walking to class and saw this chick walking with a book bag and a purse. Then this other chick, who was some kind of speed walking freak-show, passes me, turns out she is also carrying two bags. Hey Ladies, why not 13 bags, one for paper, one for books, one for lip gloss, one for your phone, etc. Sure it's bulky, but super stylish. No, how about consolidating to one bag.

7. Pant leg remaining up from biking - annoying
Hey! Do you ride your bike to school? I couldn't tell, even though you leave one pant leg rolled up for the 7 hours you are at school. That probably saves you like a good 10 seconds, not having to roll it down and then back up again. You are so busy!!

6. Bathroom stall doors - creepy
Bathroom stall doors do not need to open inward. Where in the bathroom is space conservation most needed? By the mirror/hallway that leads to the stalls, or in the tiny-ass stalls themselves? Answer: tiny-ass stalls. Being in a public bathroom is gross enough, then I go to leave the stall and open the door where the distance between the door and the toilet is like 2 inches and I have to jump over the toilet. Hmm, I love being closed in a stall, I think I'll stay and chill for awhile.

5. Old Navy trying on rooms - creepy, annoying, awkward
Today I went to OLD NAVY and as I proceeded to the changing room, I noticed a white board on the door. Then this guy asks me my name so that he can write it on the door. Yeah please, call me by name when I am half naked, only separated by a 4 foot tall door to ask my if I want a complimentary belt. I don't. 

4. Blue tooth head sets - creepy
If you use a blue tooth head set and are not a day trader, then you are a DOUCHE BAG. I don't want to see you in the mall looking at Harry Richies Jeweler for some CZ pendant for your third wife. 

3. Jiffy Lube - creepy, awkward, annoying
I HATE Jiffy Lube. Jiffy Lube makes me want to become an auto-mechanic so I never have to go to Jiffy Lube ever again. The last time I went, the guy shamed me for not going to a Jiffy Lube in over a year. I'm like maybe if you didn't make me want to drive a car with no oil in it, then I would frequent more often.

2. Auto Flush Toilets - annoying, slightly creepy
"I'm not done yet." I don't need the freaky ass toilet magician to flush the toilet for me and decide when I'm done. 

1. E-harmony's old guy - creepy
I don't want someone's 87 year old grandpa setting me up on a date. 


Sarah said...

Laughed my ass off, then read it to Max and laughed again.

Greta said...

awww thanks sarah!!